i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
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