i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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