We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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