Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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