using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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