My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
