I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
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