my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
wow bdsm is so cute
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