She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
