yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
