no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
