Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
