you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
