We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
