Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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