I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
