I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
