honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
ugly people sure do ruin things
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
