I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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