Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
