If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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