WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
