just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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