I need help removing her.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
