I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
