I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
