I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
