i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
