He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
