so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
