I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
