Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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