I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
