We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
