The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
