his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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