**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
