It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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