It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
