Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
