Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
