i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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