you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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