We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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