I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
