Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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