I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
