I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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