it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
