i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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