Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
When did angry sex become our thing?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
